Taylor was 17 months yesterday (11-2-10). She had a very bad soar throat for Halloween and couldn't even put her costume on. It is still hanging in the closet with the tags on it. That started 4 days ago. Her throat is much better now. She is back to eating and drinking fine after going for two days without much of anything and a 103 degree fever.
All 4 of her canine teeth are coming in. That can't be easy either.
She still wakes up in the middle of the night, almost every night, and climbs out of bed crying for Momma & Dada. She wants us to sit beside her until she falls completely asleep. She'll even realize she's dozing off and pop her head up just to see if we are still there. THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. At 1:30 in the morning I am in no mood to be playing a waiting game with my child who should be sleeping. I am 7 months pregnant now, utterly exhausted, and just can't do this.
I know this is my fault. I have been inconsistent with her sleeping habits and how I respond to her midnight wake-ups. I have to start reacting the same every time because my inconsistency is teaching her that she can win. The only problem is that I am so very tired and just don't have the energy to stay outside her door and put her back in bed every time she climbs out. I don't have the patience to listen to the crying/screaming because I am so fatigued. Most times it just seems easier (for me) to sit with her until she falls asleep and creep out of her room like a burglar or something! Naps are okay. I can do this at nap time. It's just bedtime, when I have nothing left, that things fall apart.
I have to find out why I am so tired. Why I don't have the energy to function an hour after I wake up in the mornings. My family needs me. My dogs need me. I need me!!! My mind yearns to get up and clean my kitchen, go grocery shopping, play outside with my child...my body just won't let me. I feel imprisoned. I feel like that if only my head were on a different body I'd be unstoppable!
The new baby (for lack of a name) will be here in 13 weeks and counting. I am scared to death. How can I take care of a newborn, Taylor, Brodie, Sandie, Charlie, the housekeeping, the laundry, the groceries, the meals, and me, in the state that I am in? I have no idea how I am functioning now but for utter determination to try to hold my home together in some sort of organized chaos. My only saving grace is an amazing husband and a few great neighbors that I know will help me with anything. I wish my family lived closer....
I went for the baby's 27 week checkup yesterday. I explained to my doctor what I have been going through and reminded her about the Fibromyalgia (FMS). She said my symptoms sounded more like Lupus than FMS and ordered some tests. But whether I have Lupus or not, I don't care at this time, they still can't cure the fatigue. Will I get better or worse after the baby arrives and my hormones stable out? I dunno. No one knows.
(I laugh at myself, this was supposed to be a post about Taylor!)
NEXT MORNING SIDE NOTE: Taylor went down beautifully, slept through the night, woke up at 7:40, and stayed in bed until Mom went in to get her at 8 a.m., just like she is supposed too. I got a full nights sleep and feel GREAT this morning! THANK YOU GOD!!!
