I am so off balance, uncentered. I feel like my brain has deflated and I can't intellectually process the smallest bit of remedial information. The school sent home a form for me to fill out in order for Ashlyn to receive speech services and I had no clue what it said - something about billing medicaid or a third-party insurance. I just signed it and sent it back. Now I'm trying to find an OT and feeding therapist for Taylor and it's like nobody has ever heard of sensory/behavioral needs in feeding therapy. Every day I want to pull my hair out because life is so challenging. Going over bridges for god's sake sends me into a panic.
Lost my engagement ring during the move so now any time I open a web page the jewelry ads bombard my eyes and I'm reminded of the terrible mistake I made that has broken my heart in two. I can't find anything like I had and replacing it will cost more than it originally did to purchase it.
It's as if I'm walking on eggshells around everyone just trying not to complain about how different things are here. I smile and listen. I'll occasionally ask a question immediately followed by an apology.
On top of all this I need to get a job. But who would hire me? I can't remember anything from one moment to the next. "May I take your order please?" But seriously, I probably can't even be trusted to handle money even if it is just a drawer full of $20's.
I thought about substitute teaching but then the girls came home from school. Taylor began to hyperventilate and said I was overwhelming her when I asked her to start her homework, very nicely I might add. Bitty just sat there and cried chanting, "I just caaaaaan't..." She's 6!!!
Taylor has gotten into the habit of singing, loudly, every moment of every waking hour. She's! So! Loud! It's not her fault, she doesn't know she's being that loud. That coupled with her tantrums marked with hyperventilating and sobbing tears any time the least little thing is asked of her is about to undo me. Where did we go wrong? Both girls are on each other's nerves. I'm just glad school started back.
We had Tay repeat the 2nd grade. Ashlyn in is first. Today, the 3rd day of school, Ms. Hill, Ashlyn's teacher sent home a week's worth of worksheets where any child who could not write to 100 had to practice every night. WHAT 6YR OLD CAN WRITE FROM 1-100??? Seriously! And don't even get me started the insanity they call the "Car Rider Line!"
I'd love to have a glass of wine right now but the move put an extra 10lbs on me and I'm now well over my "Oh Hell No!" weight! LOL! The toilets in the house stop up constantly with more than 5 squares of paper. It's just everything. The electric bill was stupid-high, groceries are unreasonable, and my dogs need their toe nails clipped. Oh, and I forgot to take Tay's eye glasses script to get filled. One more gold star for mom.
But, the good news is we found a great church and CBS starts in a few weeks. That's really all I've got to hold onto. This move has been extremely hard on me. I just can't wait for the moment I get comfortable here and things start to fall in place for me. At least the rest of us are doing good.
